When a loved one begins to show unfamiliar or unsettling behaviours due to dementia, it can stir up a mix of emotions, confusion, frustration, sadness, and even guilt. You might witness moments where they suddenly lash out in anger, begin pacing the room for hours, or repeat the same question again and again. These moments can feel overwhelming and, at times, deeply personal. But they’re not. And they’re not simply “bad behaviour” or “acting out.”
What we often call dementia behaviours are, in fact, expressions of need, silent signals from a brain that is struggling to process the world as it once did. When language fades and memory weakens, the body and emotions take over. Behaviours become a form of communication, especially when the person can no longer find the words to explain their confusion, pain, or fear.
Why These Behaviours Happen
Brain changes caused by dementia affect more than just memory. Areas responsible for reasoning, emotion regulation, and impulse control are also impacted. This means your loved one may misinterpret their surroundings, believe things that aren’t true, or forget even the most familiar faces or places. They might become frightened by something as simple as a shadow on the wall or overwhelmed by a bustling room that once felt safe. And when they can’t explain how they feel, their distress often surfaces in unexpected ways.
Common Behaviours and Their Roots
Repetition is one of the most frequent behaviours seen in dementia. A person might ask the same question repeatedly, not because they’ve forgotten your answer, but because the anxiety behind the question hasn’t been soothed. In their world, the question still feels unresolved.
Wandering may look aimless, but often it stems from a deep sense of disorientation or inner restlessness. Sometimes they’re looking for a person, a memory, or even a sense of familiarity that helps them feel grounded.
Outbursts of anger or aggression are particularly hard for caregivers to witness, especially when they seem to appear without warning. But these episodes are rarely without cause. They can be a response to physical pain, fear, overstimulation, or panic in an unfamiliar environment.
Even resistance to care, refusing to bathe, eat, or take medication, can reflect a need for control in a world that no longer feels predictable.
Meeting Behaviours with Compassion
The most important thing to remember is this: dementia behaviours are not about you. They are about the person’s internal experience. Instead of trying to correct or argue, it helps to validate their emotions, speak calmly, and keep routines consistent. A quiet environment, familiar faces, and gentle pacing can create a sense of safety.
Above all, approach each moment with empathy. It may not fix the behaviour, but it will ease the fear underneath it, and that can make all the difference.
Conclusion
Caregiving for someone with dementia is a journey filled with emotional weight. But when we begin to interpret behaviours not as disruptions, but as messages, we can meet them with more patience and presence. Behind every moment of confusion is a person trying to stay connected in the only way they can.
And in choosing compassion over correction, we help preserve that connection, one day, one gesture at a time.
